migraines saved my life
It is morning now and the house is still. It is 3:00 am and I work in a panic. I could not breath and my heart was pumping rapidly. I was nauseous and my vision blurred. I was having a full blown debilitating panic attack. The day before I was helping a friend at her… Read more
Experiencing a debilitating migraine and wearing the Celafy device. Celefy is changing my world :).
I have not written and posted a blog in a while and that I regret very much. It is my goal to write in real time, or write -when circumstances of a migraine present themselves and the experience that comes with that. I want to be completely transparent with my writing and sharing with you… Read more
Hello friends…to those, if any, who will read my words. I just set up my blog…after 11 years of wanting to do so. This is my first post. I guess life and the life of having chronic migraines for more than the last decade, has put this on hold. Like most things these days. But now it is time for me to share with..to whomever my words will be helpful, my destinct story. I have a lot to share. I have a lot to get off my chest. I think what you’ll learn from my story the most is HOPE. At least that’s what I hope my words and story will give you. I am probably the most positive person I know (no, really) and even for me, chronic migraine disease has brought the darkest days and screaming nights into my life on a regular basis. I have fought and fought and will continue to fight and continue to search for a cure for myself and hopefully lots of others. I am only one woman. One woman who suffers from this disabling disease….But I feel so connected to all those out there, like me, that suffer in silence from debilitating migraine and headache diseases. I have soul searched, extensively, while having this disease and I have found a way to live my life which in affect decreases my migraine episodes and how long they last. Medically diagnosed- I have a migraine more than 15 days a month…its more like more than 20 days a month, if not everyday. I feel like I never am without a migraine…It all runs together for me. My experience in trying to figure out how to get rid of the migraines and my acceptance of having the migraines (and realizing their not going anywhere) and experimenting in ways to reduce the pain and other symptoms, is a top priority for me. If I stop fighting …I give in and give up. Hell fricken NO!!! I will NOT give into the suffering that migraines create. Yes, I get depressed (often and severly) but ultimatley the anger and fear that is within me is produced by this challenge presented, …this negative energy that is trying to take over me – WILL NOT WIN. ever. Migraines are a part of me, and a real big part of my life. It has robbed me of my youth, part of my marriage and many opportuites, relationships have been lost and has just broke the hearts of all those who love and care for me. This experience has, and is devestasting. Having it makes me so fricken pist off .. this frustration has fueled my fire to fight. It has not taken my spirit, infact having migraines has ignited my sprit in many great ways. I know, that I am stronger and will NOT let migraines rob ME out of MY LIFE. Chronic migraines, is a disease I have, it’s something “I have” it is NOT “who I am”. It’s just a part of me, a part of who I am…take it or leave it. I’ve had to defend myself, explain myself, my disease and the strange way I live so that I don’t end up in the Emergacy room. With all it’s fire… I have more fuel in my own being to create a stronger flame that shines from within me- often defying the severe and chronic depression that can come from being disabled. There are many negatives to having diblitating migraines and headaches, BUT, I am here to tell you you can find and have focus, on the positives. I am here to vent, to learn, to hear from others, to share tips, tricks and to discover other techniques that have decreased the level of pain and other symptoms of this disease. ..to have a better and more fulfilling life. I am a postive and opptomistic person. Maybe I can lighten someones day by writing this blog. Maybe a smile or two will appear. When you are in chronic pain and when it seems nothing helps, you need to rely on those who can help you, those who can stretch you and lift your spirits. I can relate. I need help…I need you…and you need me. I will be nothing but honest about what I am feeling and how it affects me, both postiviely and negatively but I will always boast about the postives that I experience, within the suffering …Are there really any postives to having Migraines and severe headaches? I think so. Migraines “saved my life” in ways I could have never imagined. They saved me from possible sudden death and continue to serve as a reminder for me to stay the calm and steady coarse of life and live the most each day. I have had to become entirely aware of my body, my being, who I am (good and bad) and I have developed some of the richest relationships I’ve ever had due to having this disease. This, I am not so sure would happen, if I were not sick. Often when you become seriously ill, is when you make change. For me I was 33 when this all started. I had to make changes to my life or I was going to die from a stressed induced fatal event. There is hope with this disease and you can find hope and peace too. “I practice the Art of Living by sustaining inner peace” Unknown Author. This is my mantra- feel free to make it yours. More to come. With grace and ease….Kimberly.
The below song reveals how I am feeling right now while having a migraines…and how I feel about the pain that I constantly live with..it’s quite settling and reveals how you can be at peace. it reveals the dark side of fighting for something and the lovely side of submission and acceptance.
“Try to find a way, thought I found a way… yeah.
But you never go away, so I guess I gotta stay now..
Oh, I hope some day I’ll make it out of here, even if takes all night or hundred years..
Need a place to hide but I can’t find one near…
Wanna feel alive outside. I can fight my fear..
Isn’t it Lovely, all alone
Heart made of glass, my mind of stone..
Isn’t it Lovely, all alone
My heart of glass my mind of stone
Tear me to pieces. Skin and bone.
Hello, Welcome home.
Walking out of town, looking for a better place
Somethings always on my mind. Always in my headspace
But I know someday I’ll make it out of here
Even if it takes all night or a hundred years…
Need a place to hide. But I can’t find one near
Wanna feel alive. Outside my fear
Isn’t it lovely, all alone
Heat made of glass my mind of stone
Tear me to pieces. Skin and bones
Hello, Welcome home. “
*Lyrics by Billie Ellish and Khalid
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