It is morning now and the house is still. It is 3:00 am and I work in a panic. I could not breath and my heart was pumping rapidly. I was nauseous and my vision blurred. I was having a full blown debilitating panic attack.
The day before I was helping a friend at her house. That morning I had 2 Starbucks coffees (instant) and 2 cups of tea. I admit that is a lot of stimulus at once but I had low energy. Out of the blue, I am cleaning and BOOM it began. I started to get hot and began shaking and throwing up. I had to get home to take my natural medicine and a Kolopin. When having anxiety my medicine is 2 cups of chamomile tea and two cups of Sleepy Time tea; I smoke cannabis and prayed for the best.
I raced home and could barely hold the steering wheel still. I was frightened.
I got all drugged up and I calmed down a little. I ultimately took my sleeping pills and forced myself to sleep. So today…at 3:00 am, I woke temporally paralyzed and I was not sure to do. We live in a casita at the moment and it’s a studio. So getting up to turn a light on or make tea was something I preferred not to do as it would have woken my husband and dog and my husband needs his sleep. So what to do? Wide awake and I can’t get out of bed. I thought “this sucks”.
I laid in bed until 3:30 and then my hubby woke up due to my tossing and turning. I felt I had to get up because I could not stay still. I got up and made tea, I got my computer and thought I’d write a little. I went into the bathroom, closed the door, turned on the light and played on facebook. I got only a little writing done because I could not focus. James woke at 5:00 and finally I was free to leave the bathroom!
It is now 1:05 in the afternoon and I am back drinking my calming tea (in fact, I drank this all day). I did some stretching, went for a walk as it is beautiful here today, I did some yoga and prayed for a while. Now I am writing to release my thoughts and feelings.
Anxiety is no joke. SO many people suffer and plenty of people suffer in silence. By recognizing your feelings and doing your best to feel better, perhaps your actions will encourage someone else to do the same. Perhaps making lifestyle changes will allow you to focus on what it is your struggling with. This will help reduce the attacks.
If you feel anxious, talk it out with someone in your tribe (your support system). BREATHE… go outside for some eco-therapy, exercise, take time to mediate or pray or try to talk yourself into relaxing. Speaking of breathing, the longer you exhale (take a big breath), the quicker your heart will stop pumping so hard and you can become more relaxed just from taking big breathes and slowly exhale your breath.
One of the other medications I take to help me achieve less anxiety is an antihistamine called Hydroxyzine. It helps to decrease itching due to allergies, however it has relaxing effects and can be used for acute and long term anxiety. I use to manage my anxiety with this drug and only this drug. I stared taking Kolopin last year as I found a new doctor who would subscribe it for me. Most of the time my anxiety occurs when I start to feel a migraine coming on…I am afraid of the unknown. I think to myself, “How long will this last, how bad will the pain get, will I throw up, what meds do I need and do I have them? Will I have to inconvenience James or a friend to take me to the emergency room”. The anxiety just builds and build the more frightened I get.
Migraines always scare me. Thinking about having them is a big pill to swallow even after 11 years of having them. My migraine doctor will not prescribe anxiety medication even though most of my anxiety is due to getting and having a migraine. Note: I am on a low dose of Kolopin because I am on several meds and I cannot have interaction. I listen to my doctor clearly and follow her directions. I never ever take more meds then I should…even if the means suffering a little more. Overdose is a big issue, but accidental overdose can usually be prevented.
Since I am on pain medication my doctor has subscribed me the medication Naloxone and I have that on hand. It will reverse an overdose from pain medications. Something good to have and tell people about incase they need to help you.
Our current move is going well, we will be cleaning the old place this weekend. I am excited to be house-hopping until our home is ready. I will be living in the country-side and I cannot wait to grown my own food, have a pig (as a pet) and two goats! Our neighbors have 67 free range chickens and small farm animals is just behind us. I am moving further from the city for a more simple and peaceful living. Country pumpkin here I come!
I hope some of what I wrote can help you with your own struggles.
I will repeat: The practice the Art of Living, by sustaining inner peace”…find yours today!
With love and care,